Thinking ahead

I know I wrote recently about living more for the now than for the future, but I’ve recently been thinking about my more long-term plans. This is kind of personal to put out there on the blog world, but a conversation with my mom recently has inspired me. (Thanks, mom, for totally rocking).

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about fertility. I probably think about this way more than most women my age (I’m sure there’s some kind of poll out there).

I’m certainly no where near ready to have children. It scares the bejeezus out of me just thinking about it. Heck, my plan this year is to NOT get pregnant.

But I do want to have kids one day, someday, down the line, when I’m ready and all. There are a lot of women out there who don’t. (Like this great blog post about it). I respect that.

For me, though, well, yeah I want to be a mom. And the thought of not getting that is quite scary, too. So yes, I’ve been considering fertility a lot. I’ve talked with doctors about it. I’ve talked with my husband.

During a recent, very scary, conversation with a doctor, she told me, “If we were having this conversation any closer to 30, I’d be concerned.” When I told her I wanted to wait 2 more years, she said I should consider moving that deadline up. I’m only 25. What?

Yikes. I’m nowhere near ready for that conversation.

I’ve heard the sad stories about infertility (see here for a powerful post on it), adoption processes, surrogates, IVF, etc. So I’m thinking ahead.

Today we live in a world where women can do anything. We are allowed to put ourselves first. We can have amazing careers.

However, you just can’t put everything on the back burner. As modern women, we need to know our priorities. And the fact is, as much as the world has changed, there’s still a ticking clock. Hollywood might make it look easy, but that’s just what’s on the cover of magazines. We aren’t in the room when doctors say, hey, you’re almost 40, the chances of getting pregnant naturally are very low.

Or when they ring you up for an expensive chance to have a baby via test tubes.

I read another blog post recently about the pluses of getting married young, because so often in our society it is really frowned upon. I’m no advocate for getting married at 19 but I’m happy that we got married when I was 24 even if I’m often the youngest or only married person. This gives us these years to think ahead, to be alone and build our marriage, to wait — at least for a while, and to be ready for such a big step.

To me, that’s the biggest plus to being married at a younger age. I have time to think about fertility and not necessarily worry about it (even if I do, just a little). I can’t lie. I do cry over those heartbreaking stories and worry what my journey will be like. I still have a lot I want to do before that major baby moment — you know, like get a cat and go to Europe (probably not at the same time).

It’s scary. It’s not fair. It’s just a fact.

I don’t know what the future holds, but at least I’m thinking about it. And now I’m hitting publish before I chicken out.

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Comments
6 Responses to “Thinking ahead”
  1. Jessica M says:

    Great post!

    I always think about how I want a baby, but I know I have to wait until the time is right. Well, I guess the timing is never right. So until then, I am enjoying the carefree childless life!

    You have a good point about getting married younger so you have more time to enjoy each other and your marriage before bringing kids into the mix. It works for you guys because you are a good couple, but it just seems like *in general* (what I see on facebook, etc), younger people do kind of rush into marriage after college because it is the next step – and for them getting married is probably not the best idea if they are viewing it that way.

    Its not good to plan ahead to much, but it’s important to know what you want and when you want it, so I wouldn’t consider this as living in the future. I’m glad you decided to publish this!

  2. LatteLove says:

    I think a lot about fertility and I’m even younger than you and hope to wait even longer to have kids!
    Reading the book “taking charge of your fertility” taught me more than I ever knew there was know about a women’s body, and it made me feel a million times more informed and in control. (as you can be anyway.)

    Anyway, now I track my fertility (for prevention) on the iPhone app Pink Pad which i HIGHLY recommend. It feels much better know that at least as far as I can tell, things are pretty normal and will be ready when the time comes.

  3. Clare says:

    Once again, a post I missed. If it were up to me I would’ve had a baby yesterday, but thankfully my husband is logical and because of this we’ve discussed a timeline. I hardly ever think about “what if I don’t get pregnant” but I think I might take a look at the book that Katie mentioned anyway.

    • Liz says:

      I guess the idea of infertility just keeps coming up — on TV, movies and in news stories. So much so that it has me thinking about it even though it’s not something I should technically be worried about.

      What gets me though is that with all other medical issues they tell you to think ahead. How to prevent diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc. but hardly anyone talks about trying to prevent infertility.

      • Clare says:

        I think that’s in part because it’s still considered “taboo” which is so ridiculous because so many women will experience it! I guess I’ve never been worried about infertility because my mom had it so easy. Hopefully all things will go well but I guess it’s always good to be prepared.

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