Greener grasses

Lately I’ve had a lot of conversations with single girlfriends about the difficulties of being married. When you’re single you keep striving for this idea of being married, being with someone.

I just wanted to say, OK, I see where you’re coming from. I get it. But … it doesn’t get any easier.

When you are single you constantly have to deal with these games. When is he going to call? Why didn’t he text? Should I ask him out or wait for him to ask me?

It’s exhausting.

As women, we read into everything. What does it mean that he said this? Should I trust him? Oh the list of worries you can come up with when you are trying to find a mate is endless and with the added pressure of today’s constantly connected Internet and social media, picking out the things to worry about gets longer.

A girl can lose some serious sleep over these things. One would have thought that being able to quickly Google someone to find out whether he is secretly married would save a girl some worry lines. Unfortunately that’s not accurate.

A friend recently complained about having all these worries. She’s tired. Or as Charlotte so eloquently said in SATC: “I’ve been dating since I was 15. Where is he already? I’m exhausted!”

Not to be the bearer of bad news, but just because you found the right one doesn’t mean these worries go away.

We can’t control our relationships. They rise and fall naturally and it doesn’t stop fluctuating just because he put a ring on it.

I opened up and said honestly the D-word is the scariest word I know. It could happen for any reason, at any moment, for something I don’t see coming.

The key is, in my opinion, to go with those crazy swells.

Sometimes my husband drives me bananas. I mean bananas. I’m sure he’d say the same for me.  We fight. We argue. Sometimes he makes me cry. And then he says, stop crying. I cry more.

He has walls. I have walls. It’s natural. Self-doubt doesn’t go away. Jealousy just gets worse. If you sit around and overanalyze now, that won’t go away. Why would it?

I’m not saying this to be bearer of bad news or to bust some dream marriage bubble. We’ve seen enough Kardashians to know that marriage can end as quick as a whim.

My point is don’t envy us married ladies. We may have an automatic plus one, but that’s only if you can talk the husband into actually going. The grass is always greener and all that.

Relationships, no matter at what stage, are full of emotional landmines. One wrong step is all it takes. That doesn’t mean you give up and it doesn’t mean you stop looking or fighting. It just means nothing is ever easy. Don’t expect them to be.

I like that my husband challenges me. He forces me to not be so lazy about our relationship. We both have to work on it and put a little time in. Or just get over yourself.

In my experience, it’s the most challenging relationships that prove the most worthwhile. Anything that’s easy isn’t really worth fighting for.


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