Breakdown those hidden emotional walls

Openness can lead to personal fulfillment, better communication


At the beginning of a new year and a new semester, everyone formulates their list of resolutions, which will probably be forgotten by February. So let’s start the new year off right and forget those hopeless resolutions such as dieting or being a better person. Just face the facts and get honest — get honest with yourself, your friends and, most of all, get honest with the opposite sex.

At the end of last semester, we opened the sexual dialogue. If we are completely truthful with each other, we can continue that two-way monologue with complete ease and accept that most of our sexual tensions arise from frivolous miscommunications we like to call “white lies.”

We’ve all done it. That is, lied to our boyfriend, girlfriend, crush or even our friend-with-benefits. Wouldn’t that make us even? If he lied about that girl and she lied about that boy?

It seems that after the new year and after that wonderful midnight kiss while half-drunk from the bubbly champagne, relationships become like the open bottle left on the counter all night long. The fizz is out, and now with the new pace of another year and another semester we get to the bitter part. It is time to be honest.

Maybe it’s because we’re already thinking about how the next year of our life is going to unfold, or maybe it’s because Wal-Mart puts up Valentine’s decorations on Jan. 1, but there is that question: “Where is this going?” and eventually “Should I tell him/her?”

Now I’m not perfect, and we all have our dirty little secrets that sometimes we should keep to maintain that mysteriousness, but when you ask, “Where’s this going?” and you know it is time to find out what your relationship can and cannot withstand, tell the truth.

Maybe it is a little scary facing the fact that he/she cannot handle that “truth talk.” Some people are not very open-minded and talking about sex and those secrets is easier to keep hidden. This is true. But if you ever really want to consider “where’s this going?” with seriousness and devotion, you have to be willing to be truthful.

People like to use the excuse, “I didn’t tell you because I love you, and I knew it would hurt you.” But let’s tell it like it is. That little “glitch” that you forgot to mention was because you didn’t want to admit something. That is not love.

If the new year is good for anything, it’s perfect for letting go of whatever you held in last year. Take it from a person that spent the past semester pining over someone and never said anything; it is always better to get it out there than spend your over-analyzing time wondering what would have happened. We have more important things on our minds anyway.

The woulda, coulda, shouldas kill the new-year spirit. Eventually, all the things you keep locked up catch back up to you and most times in that “Real World” overly dramatic fashion.

Maybe you’re cheating on someone you claim to love, or maybe you have more skeletons in your closet than you admit to, but running away only makes the tale-tale heart beat stronger.

(Originally written 1.11.2006)


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