Delayed break-ups not worth facade

Fear of lonely existence just paranoia; rewarding single life very possible


It sounds cliché to say, but trust your instincts. Always.

Don’t eat that week-old Chinese food just because your stomach grumbles. Don’t go into an unlocked, dark apartment alone just because you left something valuable inside. And don’t stay in a relationship just because you are in a relationship.

I’ve discovered that if you feel the slightest something, slightest “feeling,” maybe its for a reason.

If you’ve started to pick apart her flaws down to her inability to sense what you want without saying it, your instincts are telling you that you don’t want her.

If you find you’re spending more time with another someone than your official someone, your instincts are saying there’s trouble in paradise.

But far too often, we stay with that special someone despite what our gut feelings tell us. Yeah, being a part of an “us” requires a lot compromise, open discussion and understanding, but staying an “us” should only be because working it out is top priority and being with her/him is paramount.

Don’t stay with him just because being alone is too scary of a fate.

I am amazed at how many women today have settled on the “I’m going to be alone forever” mentality. Maybe we’ve been brainwashed by the years of “Sex and the City” into believing the single-thirty-something syndrome is more prevalent than happy couples. But sticking with someone for longer than you feel necessary or past that initial second guess will just make the inevitable heartbreak stronger.

Being alone, even until your thirties, has to be better than staying with someone you don’t want to be with completely.

In 1986, Newsweek published “The Marriage Crunch,” that claimed women had a better statistical chance of getting killed by a terrorist than getting married after 40.

In a backlash of the article, single, 30-plus women went out and found husbands. And 20 years later the magazine released a follow up, retracting its initial claim. Yet, with our odds looking better, we still stick to unhappy love lives. We still let bad relationships drag out into long-term regrets.

Break-ups are never easy. Someone is bound to be hurt and moving on is a difficult change, but waiting just makes that reaction all the more complicated and unfair. 

Fighting can be a healthy part of an us, but when the roller coaster gets stuck in a continuous string of 190-foot drops, calling it quits or at least opening a constructive dialogue could save your stomach a lot of upset.

The bottom line is be honest with your other half about the way you feel and don’t let the fear of “suddenly single” stop you.

Don’t hold it in because you are in a relationship. If anything, there is no better reason to say what your “Miss Cleo” powers keep inferring.

(Originally written 11.30.2006) 


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