Post-break up time better spent single

Haunting isolation beats resorting to harmful chain of relationships


In our post-relationship lives we scan the crowds around us for the quickest fix to something not so easily fixable. That random guy in your history class can’t fulfill that eight-month void you just spent with someone special. Connections don’t happen over night, and crawling into bed – whether figuratively or literally – with the first guy to come along doesn’t make being single any less complicated.

All this does is prolong the inevitable. One day you will be single. One day you will face a “no boyfriend” world, but keeping suitors rolling in and out of your life just leads to more hurt and maybe more chances and something unwanted.

When the sunrises the next day, you’re still going to feel lonely. You will still be without that someone special that once meant so much, and you will still hurt. You have to heal inside out, not the other way around. Just like with cuts and bruises – a band-aid is only a temporary bandage until you can heal on the inside.

No matter how “over him” you act, the remnants of a broken heart still hurt like hell.

But that isn’t the point. In today’s bustling world where women are required to have an “other,” finding someone new is always next on the agenda, right under “get new shoes” and “eat lots of ice cream.”

Danny Tanner had a few things right even if he seems a little outdated and cheesy. Don’t be ashamed to cry, get angry or whatever you need. Don’t be in such a hurry to move on that you never really heal. Crying is okay. Hugging is okay. And moving on will come with time, not someone new in your arms.  If it helps, go by the rule that it takes half the time you were together to fully get over that Ex.

Just because they “Call it a break-up because it’s broken” doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to be rejected. Finding yourself suddenly single in this critical world can be pretty damn strenuous. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

Take Jennifer Aniston or Nicole Kidman’s approach. They have pretty faces, but getting dumped by two of the “hottest” men in Hollywood can make a girl a prime target for paparazzi. Yet, we never saw Jen or Nicole looking like their hearts had been splattered across the front page of every tabloid in the world. Instead, Nicole went on to win an Academy Award, and Jennifer has made some of her best movies in this “Brandelina” world.

Whatever the reason for your recent “lack of significant other,” just remember Danner Tanner, Jen, Nicole and all your friends are there for you. It’s better to get over it in a few months, than keep those feelings bottled up forever. And crawling into bed to watch your favorite chick flick isn’t the worse thing in the world.


(Originally written 9.21.2006) 


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