Quit hearing love notes inside babble

Incidental movements, words easily mistaken in unintentional signals


Women and men speak very different languages. If a girl asks a boy friend, “How is your day?” this boy might hear, “I really care about how your day is going, and by ‘really care,’ I mean I want more than this false visage of a friendship.”

Cosmo magazine is always trying to decode the man language, both physically and verbally, but to be honest, women don’t speak “dude” and men don’t speak “chick.”

When the languages were divided across the regions of the world, the sexes were given different tongues, too. So, in our interactions with one another we are going to constantly have misunderstandings, and the only way to fill in the blanks is to agree not to read too much into these interactions.

I’ll admit I am being hypocritical. I overanalyze every thing a certain someone said to me. We all do it. We replay menial events in our heads over and over trying to decipher his or her secret language.

But it will never happen. I can never learn to be fluent in man babble, and you, dear gentlemen, will never speak our womanly jargon, and I wouldn’t count on a course in “Dude Speak 101.”

If a girl gives a guy an innocent hug, it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants more. While, undoubtedly, this guy is sitting at home watching his “The Man Show” reruns on DVD and thinking about what this loving embrace means, chances are she’s just a hug whore.

If a guy makes more than five seconds of eye contact with a girl friend, it doesn’t mean he’s secretly pining to stare longingly into her beautiful blue eyes.

Life isn’t always a romance novel and we don’t always get our hero (or heroine). It sucks that sometimes what you think is “more” might be nothing “more” than friendliness. These miscommunications that get lost in the translations cause us great stress, but that’s what happens when you’re jonesing for someone. Subconsciously we’re hoping he’s saying what we want him to say, and our interpretation of reality becomes skewed. Everything he says will be music to her ears, and every look she gives him will be magical.

We can’t help that we hear what we want to hear, or don’t hear what we don’t want to hear, but that doesn’t make reality any less true. Maybe to him, that shared moment really meant something, but until it is confirmed, he shouldn’t assume the same split-second sounded like true love.

Despite the Great Wall size barrier between our languages, we can fill in our linguistic holes with a little communal understanding. If we say what we mean and tell the truth (that means no lying by omission), we can stop getting lost in translation.

(Originally written 11.16.2006)


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