Starting relationships requires more than easy temptations

Promiscuity bad test for rating value of significant other


One late night a girlfriend and I sat around discussing our latest relationship disasters. She asked if it was true that a guy wouldn’t date a girl he had already slept with. On one hand he got what he wanted that should take months, and he got it without the annoying primping time, strange habits, emotional breakdowns or pretending to be interested in more than sex to begin with.

One guy we talked with admitted to testing a girl to see if she would sleep with him before they began what is destined to be a failure of a relationship. If she did give in to his temptation, he would end the affair. Sure, that guy sounds like a douche, but is that how guys really think or is just another side effect of our fast-paced, speed dating relationships? Girls have to jump in the sack before we allow them to enter our hearts.

If guys really think that way, our preconceptions of Mr. Double Standard stereotypes weren’t far off, but I’d like to give them the benefit of being interested in women for more than just bedroom fun.

I read somewhere that men, like women, have the innate desire to settle down. We start the uphill climb of relationships not just for sex, but because we feel something for that special someone and with the hopes she will be ‘the one.’ We go out with people because there is something else there, some spark or interest.

I’m not going to condone sleeping with someone you aren’t in a relationship with, but if for some reason the night ends in a one-night stand, should that be the end of the relationship? Sex is the most intimate two people can be. After sharing that how can some say she’s not girlfriend material?

Maybe she really liked him. Maybe it was a drunken mistake. Maybe she doesn’t usually do that; she just felt something different with him.

This guy isn’t going to marry someone he hasn’t slept with, so why can’t he date her? When it comes to finding someone to call home you have to know if the chemistry is right, just like you don’t buy a car without taking it for a test drive.

College isn’t about finding Mr. Right or looking for that someone to spend forever with, but it’s about finding yourself and what kind of person, if anyone, you might keep around for longer than a blink. So when it comes to college relationships, what is so wrong with taking the porsche for a spin?


(Originally written 6.21.2006)


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